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FORGIVENESS
Numbers 14:17-21
Matthew 18:21-35
September 27, 2009
On October 2, 2006 Charles Carl Roberts IV, walked into an Amish school house in Pennsylvania with a loaded rifle. He sent the teacher and the boys away, and barricaded himself in with the young girls. As the police closed in on him Roberts killed five of the girls, and then shot himself. The tight-knit Amish community was devastated, as you can well imagine. How do you move beyond such a tragedy?
The Amish chose forgiveness. The Bishop, who was also a grandfather of one of the girls, went to the home of the killer’s widow – to extend his sympathy, since they considered her a victim as well. Following the funeral, Mrs. Roberts was invited into their community; so that she could mourn and grieve with others who felt just as she did. The Amish then established scholarships for the killer’s children so that they might go to college some day, and not have their lives further damaged by that terrible event. When a spokesman for the community was asked how they were doing she replied, “They have peace because their daughters are in heaven and they have forgiven the shooter.”
Now, compare that to an Anglican Priest in London. You’ll remember that just a few months before the Amish shooting four terrorists had blown up a portion of the London subway system. Fifty people died, including the 24-year-old daughter of Vicar Julie Nicholson. After several months of contemplation, Vicar Nicholson told her church, “Can I forgive them for what they did? No, I can’t. And I don’t want to.” The Anglican’s use the same lectionary readings from the Bible that we do, so I know that on more than one occasion Vicar Nicholson had preached from Matthew’s pericope on the “Unmerciful Servant”. More than once she had explained to her members the value of forgiveness; just as I am doing right now. But, when it came down to it, Vicar Nicholson chose to abandon her pulpit and leave her church, rather than forgive.
Two unbelievable tragedies, happening almost simultaneously. One response is to reach out with unmerited forgiveness; the other is to retreat into the pain of profound loss. Of those two parties, who were so seriously wounded, which one do you think is healthier and happier today? Now, I’m not passing judgment on Vicar Nicholson. I believe my personal response would probably be very much like hers. But, I would rather be like the Amish. I would rather be like Jesus.
Jesus saw forgiveness as absolutely crucial to living out our faith. He considered it mandatory and not optional. Peter comes to Jesus and asks him, “How many times do I have to forgive a member of the church who sins against me – seven times?” Now, Peter didn’t just pull that number out of thin air. The Pharisees of Jesus’ day had considered this same question, and their ruling was that you must forgive your neighbor twice. Peter had heard Jesus say, “If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also” (Matthew 5:39). Two cheeks sounds like two free forgive me’s. Perhaps Jesus has the same standards as the highly respected Pharisees.
But, Peter also knew that the Pharisees said if you want to be a very righteous man, you can opt to forgive three times. So, when Peter throws out the number seven, he has gone more than twice as far as the Pharisees recommend. Certainly Jesus would see this as going way beyond what was necessary. Instead, Jesus tells him, “Not seven times, but seventy seven times.” That is a symbolic number that means an infinite number of forgive me’s. Then, Jesus tells the parable of the Unmerciful Servant.
The servant in the parable has run up a debt of ten thousand talents. Ten thousand was the highest number that was kept track of in financial accounting. It was considered impossible to get any more into debt than that. Jesus is saying, in a way that his listeners would have understood, this man is as far into debt as you can possibly go. You cannot be any more in debt than this man. Now, the King (who represents God the Father in this parable) has every right to punish the servant into oblivion – and he orders that the servant, along with his wife and children, be sold into slavery.
The servant cries out, “Be patient with me and I will pay you back everything.” That’s ludicrous. It can’t be done. The man will never live long enough, or earn enough money, to pay it back. In spite of that fact, the king is merciful and completely forgives the entire debt. How good and how wonderful the king is!
The servant steps out onto the street and immediately meets a second man, who owes him one hundred Denarii. Here’s the difference in magnitude. What the first man owed the king is one million times more than the second man owes him. Not one million more, one million times more! “How absurd for one forgiven so much, to refuse to forgive so little.”
And yet, the unmerciful servant doesn’t forgive the second man; he has him thrown in prison. When the king finds out what has happened he calls the first man back in, has him arrested and sent to prison – where he will be tortured until he repays the debt. Since he can never repay the debt, he will be eternally tortured; yes, in case you’re wondering, this is a reference to hell.
I want you to understand that in this parable Jesus is not saying that if you don’t forgive others your salvation will be taken back away from you. What he’s saying is that if you are so cold hearted that you don’t forgive, then you probably never had salvation to begin with. The first man had more debt than any person can accumulate – that is a reference to our sinful situation before God. Yet, God in his infinite mercy through the blood of Jesus, has forgiven us that debt. How do we tell the Christians from the others? Like God, we should forgive without keeping record. You don’t get three strikes then you’re out. You’re not even limited to seven strikes. Our forgiveness has to be unlimited, just like God’s forgiveness of us. We are not saved by our actions, but our actions indicate the condition of our hearts.
This wasn’t the only time Jesus dealt with forgiveness. Earlier today we all recited the Lord’s Prayer together. In the prayer Jesus keeps asking God for blessings. In Matthew, when he reaches the fifth petition he says, “And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors” (Matthew 6:12). Luke words it differently. In his Gospel Jesus says, “And forgive us our sins, for we ourselves forgive everyone indebted to us” (Luke 11:4). Matthew talks about debt, Luke calls it sin, and you might wonder why we used the word ‘trespasses’ today.
Matthew is written in Greek, but Jesus spoke to the Apostles in Aramaic. ‘Debt’ is a word for word translation from Aramaic to Greek. But, a few verses later Matthew (6:14-15) explains that ‘trespasses’ more accurately describes what Jesus meant. Here’s the important part; the fifth petition is the only one that requires the person saying the prayer to do something. And, the something they must do is forgive. Since Jesus deliberately gave us the prayer as a model, and expected us to pray it often, he clearly expected us to continually forgive each other. Jesus commands the action of forgiveness.
Now, this isn’t a ‘do as I say, but not as I do’ thing. The four Gospels record Jesus speaking seven sentences from the cross. But, the very first words he says are, “Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23: 34). He was on the cross for our forgiveness, and the very first words he speaks offer us forgiveness.
Now, here is why we have spent time on this. If Jesus can offer forgiveness to the very people who are murdering him, and if the Amish can offer forgiveness to the man who slaughtered their children, and if forgiveness is the standard by which God judges our hearts, then shouldn’t it be a simple thing for each of us to offer forgiveness to our husband or wife – for whatever they have done to offend us? If we can be expected to forgive those who have injured us the worst, then doesn’t it just make sense that we should forgive the one person in the world we have covenanted to love more than anyone else?
In every marriage there are going to be offenses. It is impossible to live with someone else for a lifetime and not injure them at some point with our words or our actions. Adultery is probably the most painful injury we can inflict on our spouse. And, Jesus gives us free license to divorce with no guilty feelings if our partner has committed adultery (Matthew 5:32). Still, I personally know of marriages where even that has been forgiven. In each case that I know of, the marriage after the forgiveness is strong and vibrant and healthy. Not that it was easy. It was a long road back to trust after the violation of adultery. But, I know couples who have survived it and now have marriages the rest of us would envy. Those healthy, vibrant marriages all hinged on whether the offended party would forgive or not.
I have spoken to you for several months now about Sanctification – the process (in this lifetime) of becoming like Jesus. You’ve heard me use that word every week for three months. The Apostle Paul gives us most of our information on Sanctification, and in Ephesians he says, “We must no longer be children, tossed to and fro and blown about by every wind of doctrine, by people's trickery, by their craftiness in deceitful scheming. But speaking the truth in love, we must grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ” (Ephesians 4:14-15). Paul says there comes a time when you have to make up your mind to be an adult. An adult acts like Jesus. And, Jesus forgives.
You want to be like Jesus? You have to forgive your spouse. In 2000 Joe and Elisa Rangel celebrated their 14th wedding anniversary. Actually, it was anything but a celebration. Joe had allowed himself a series of adulterous affairs; one lasting as long as five years. He was addicted to internet pornography. And, the only reason he hadn’t filed for divorce is that he didn’t want to lose half of his ‘stuff’.
Lisa, meanwhile, was no angel herself. She had developed a $1000 a week addiction to speed and cocaine. She had manipulated their accounts and hidden from Joe the fact that they were bankrupt. Then, one Sunday, Elisa was invited by a neighbor to church and a women’s retreat. Over the next year she was able to quit the drugs and accept Jesus as her Savior. Eventually she went to Joe, confessed her sins against him, and told him about her relationship with Christ. She told him that if he wanted a divorce she would let him have the house and all of the possessions they still owned.
Joe confessed to Elisa his sins against her. He told her, “I don’t see how you can forgive me.” She replied, “I won’t forgive you because you’ve earned it or deserve it. I’ll forgive you because God forgave me.” Joe gave his life to Jesus. Today Joe works full time as a guitarist in a band that plays for the contemporary worship service at a large church. Elise works on staff back at the church where she first found Christ. And, together, they mentor young married couples through the difficult waters of forgiveness.