.jpg)
Audio of Family Ties
FAMILY TIES
Micah 7:1-7
1 Timothy 5:3-8
Several months ago I preached a sermon which referenced an incident where Jesus rebuked a young man for not dropping his family obligations to follow along. I received an e-mail from a member who wanted to know why Jesus often seemed to be completely inconsiderate of families. In fact, he sometimes seemed to take delight in hurting families. We’re going to look at some of those situations today and see if we can discern a deeper truth.
Let’s start with Matthew 8:19-22. A scribe then approached and said, "Teacher, I will follow you wherever you go." And Jesus said to him, "Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests; but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head." Another of his disciples said to him, "Lord, first let me go and bury my father." But Jesus said to him, "Follow me, and let the dead bury their own dead." That seems pretty harsh don’t you think? A man was asking too much when he wanted to attend his father’s funeral before coming along. On the surface, that sounds anti-family.
This pericope is actually a story of relationship building. Jesus had just finished a compelling sermon where he taught as if he had the authority of God the Father (Matthew 7:29). It was a powerful message where God spoke directly to his people about heaven and hell. He followed that with two miracles; the healing of a leper (8:3), and the healing of the Centurion’s paralyzed servant (8:6). The Roman soldier has such amazing faith in Jesus as Lord, the Christ is compelled to say, “Not every Jew will go to heaven, but there will be many Gentiles there (8:11-12).
As if to prove that point a Scribe approaches Jesus as a potential disciple. He calls Jesus ‘teacher’, but he uses the title as an insult. While the Centurion had so much faith he believed Jesus was the Messiah without seeing the proof, the Scribe wants to travel along and see if Jesus is really as good as he says. Jesus explains that it will be a long journey with minimal personal comfort. How does that sound? To the Scribe it sounds inconvenient and he leaves. He wants a relationship as long as it doesn’t take him out of his comfort zone.
Immediately, Jesus is approached by a young man who wants to bury his father before he comes along. That doesn’t seem like an unreasonable request. Translating the original Hebrew, the young man may have been asking if he could wait until after his father died before he came. If that is the case he was embarrassed about a relationship with Jesus, and he didn’t want his family to know. However, that is a minority opinion of the interpretation.
If we assume that his father had just died, then here’s what we know for sure. He was asking for a minimum of one year before he returned to Jesus. His father’s body would be placed in a tomb within twenty four hours of his death. For the next seven days the young man would observe Shiva. For seven days he would stay in his home, receiving visitors, but pouring out his heart in mourning for his lost father.
After those seven days were over he would begin the twenty three days of Shloshim. During this time he could leave his home, but he would not shave or cut his hair. He could come out in public, but he couldn’t participate in any festive or joyous celebrations. After the completion of Shloshim the young man had to wait one year for his father’s body to decay until all that was left were bones. This was required for any first degree relative, a father, mother, son or daughter. When the soft matter was gone and only bones were left, they were collected and placed in an ossuary, a tiny stone coffin, and buried. This second burial was a mandatory part of the funeral ceremony. Only then could the young man pursue his own interests.
The young man wants a relationship that is convenient. I’ll follow you if I can fit it into my busy schedule. After all that I must do, if there’s time left over, I want a relationship with Jesus. So, Jesus’ response is pretty sharp, either commit or walk away. This story isn’t about family, it’s about how high a priority we place on our relationship with Christ. Are we convenient Christians?
By the way, some might be wondering what would have happened if the young man had chosen to follow Jesus right then. Who would have looked after his mother, or his father’s remains? The Apostle Matthew always follows a story of one who turns back with a miracle story. In Matthew, anytime someone fails to follow Jesus the next story is a miracle of Jesus meeting the needs of those who stayed. Matthew’s message is clear. If we will follow Jesus, on Jesus’ terms, God will take care of the rest. If the young man had the faith to follow, his family would have been under God’s care. When we refuse to follow Jesus because of circumstances, we never get to find out how Jesus would have handled those circumstances.
Our next Scripture come from Matthew 10:32-38. “Everyone therefore who acknowledges me before others, I also will acknowledge before my Father in heaven; but whoever denies me before others, I also will deny before my Father in heaven. "Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth; I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; and one's foes will be members of one's own household. Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and whoever does not take up the cross and follow me is not worthy of me.”
This almost sounds like Jesus is promoting the dysfunctional family. It sounds like he wants sons and fathers, and mothers and daughters, screaming hate filled insults at each other. And, woe to the family who loves one another – they are not worthy of Jesus.
While the previous Scripture was Matthew’s examination of relationships, this pericope is about priorities. Jesus says, “Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.” That word ‘love’ is translated elsewhere in the New Testament as ‘worship’. Here, Jesus is condemning anyone who makes his family his god.
Do you know people like that? The person who says, “I only get one day off from work, so I’m going to spend it with my family – but not in church. I’ll go fishing with my daughter, take my son to a football game, I’ll even fix everything that’s broken as a favor to my wife. I’m more Christian than the people in church because I’ve made my family my priority.” Or, how about the person who says, “I refuse to take my children to church because I have so much respect for them! I value their ability to make their own choices in life, so I’m not going to force my theology on them. If Christianity is right for them, they’ll make that choice when they’re old enough.” These are examples of family as god, and priorities out of whack.
Jesus is saying that when priorities are distorted, the family becomes dysfunctional. You want the strongest, healthiest family possible? Then focus your family on Jesus. When a husband is focused on Jesus adultery becomes unthinkable to him. His wife can sense that, and the security she feels brings peace to the entire family. When a wife is focused on Christ there is no pressure to exceed her financial boundaries. The security that brings her husband allows him to devalue work, and that brings peace to the entire family. When children see a mother and father devoted first to Christ, then to each other, they realize that they do not run the house. With that realization they stop trying to drive a wedge between their parents for personal gain. That brings peace to the entire family.
Jesus is not saying he will bring dysfunction to families. He is saying that since his arrival, every family has to declare their priorities. A wrong priority will destroy the family just as effectively as a sword.
Our final Scripture for examination is Mark 3:31-35. “Then his mother and his brothers came; and standing outside, they sent to him and called him. A crowd was sitting around him; and they said to him, "Your mother and your brothers and sisters are outside, asking for you." And he replied, "Who are my mother and my brothers?" And looking at those who sat around him, he said, "Here are my mother and my brothers! Whoever does the will of God is my brother and sister and mother.” This appears to be a very clear case of Jesus disavowing his own blood family, and adopting his enthusiastic followers in their place.
Actually, this is a story about having the courage to make the leap to faith. First, we need to look at what preceded this event. Jesus has been performing miracles of healing and exorcism. The crowds have become larger and larger as people hunt down the Galilean Miracle Doctor. Earlier that day, as Jesus and the Apostles were eating lunch a mob had descended on them (Mark 3:20). The streets were jammed, there was near rioting, and the situation had gotten completely out of control. When Jesus’ mother and brothers heard of this they began to scream to the crowd, “He can’t actually help you. He’s not God! He’s just crazy” (3:21). How can your own brother be God, he’s not God? A much simpler explanation is that he’s a lunatic.
And then, in an ultimate insult, his own family calls the Scribes and Pharisees to examine Jesus and see if he is demon possessed. At that point, who can blame Jesus for jettisoning his blood relatives and looking to adopt a new family? And yet, that’s not what happens. Jesus has an interview with the Scribes where he very logically proves that he couldn’t drive out demons if he were demon possessed. His argument is persuasive, it is presented coherently, and is done in a very calm manner. None of those traits are characteristic of the insane. At the end of the discussion the Scribes have to agree he is mentally healthy and let him go about his business.
Then Jesus continues to speak to those who are left, his family and his disciples, “No one is so bad they can’t be saved”. If they will only let the Holy Spirit show them the truth, and then accept the truth (even if it seems crazy) they will be saved. Next, Jesus issues an altar call, a call to salvation. You will notice his mother and brothers are not excluded from that call. He didn’t say, “Instead of Mary, and James and Jude – my new family will be…” He said that anyone, no matter what crime they had just committed against him, could accept the call and be his family. In spite of the way they had treated him he didn’t exclude his blood relatives. Instead, he openly accepted everyone.
Jesus didn’t reject his family. How do we know this is true? As he hangs on the cross Jesus requires the Apostle John to look after his mother’s welfare (John 19:26-27). His brother James converted to Christianity and became the leader of the church in Jerusalem (Acts 15:13-20). He became such a fanatical believer that he let himself be thrown from the top of the Holy Temple to die, rather than deny his brother again.
Three different Scriptures which, when taken out of context, make it appear that Jesus rejects family, or has no respect for family, or is hateful to family. Not true. But what about the way Jesus treated his Apostles? Some of them were married, Peter certainly was (Mark 1:30, 1 Corinthians 9:5). How could Jesus take them away from their families and their jobs for three years? Wasn’t that cruel?
Actually, the Gospels don’t describe three continuous years of travel. They returned home often, and the references to festivals indicate breaks in their activities. It appears Jesus brought the Apostles home frequently to work their jobs, provide for their wives, and play with their children. The Apostle Paul scheduled his missionary journeys with frequent return trips. Most likely he learned this from the other Apostles speaking about their travels with Jesus. Their families were not abandoned and forgotten.
Jesus placed an exceedingly high value on family. Our Scriptures today are meant to convince us:
- Jesus will not accept a partial relationship.
- Jesus will not accept a convenient relationship.
- Jesus will not accept a second place relationship, and
- Jesus wants every one of us, no matter what we have done, to be in his family.
Praise God!!