.jpg)
Father's Day
Guest Speaker
John Sandborn
Fathers Day was first celebrated on July 5th, 1908 in West Virginia at a church service at Williams Memorial Methodist Episcopal Church South, now known as Central United Methodist Church. Grace Golden Clayton, who is believed to have suggested the service to the pastor, is believed to have been inspired to celebrate fathers after the deadly mine explosion in nearby Monongah the prior December. This explosion killed 361 men, many of them fathers and recent immigrants to the United States from Italy. Another possible inspiration for the service was Mothers' Day, which had been celebrated for the first time two months prior in Grafton, West Virginia, a town about 15 miles (24 km) away.
I have a theory that a man can reduce any situation – theological, philosophical, or political, no matter how complex to a sports analogy. Just yesterday I came across the following example.
My company, Lockheed-Martin, publishes an internal, daily summary of news articles that relate to the industry. One was entitled “Advisers to Obama, McCain size up strategic challenges facing Department of Defense”. It is a summary of a discussion between Richard Danzig, a former Secretary of the Navy and Kori Schake, the former Director of the policy planning staff at the State Department. The topic of discussion was “potential challenges in strategic and budgetary matters and the rise of Asia and U.S. pitfalls in strategic communications.” These are serious people discussing serious subjects. One of them believes we need to concentrate on things that we do well and that we need to get better at “small ball” and not try to advance our interests by hitting home runs. Not only is this a sports analogy – its even better. It’s an obscure sports analogy that is lost on most people.
“Small ball” is the strategy of getting a player on base and then advancing the player by bunts, sacrifice flies or base stealing. It is short hand for playing with good solid fundamentals and playing smart. A point lost on people who don’t follow baseball.
Obviously, the reason I’m telling you this is because I’m going to use a sports analogy in this sermon.
When Rocky asked me to speak on Father’s Day my first thought was that this was a slam dunk (and that isn’t even the sports analogy I intended to use.) All I had to do was talk about how important fathers are. And we are, but as a father I know that it would be impossible to do this by myself. There are a lot of people involved in raising children. That makes it difficult for me to only focus on fathers.
Any now I’m going to reduce this difficulty to a sports analogy –
Imagine that the father is the most important player on a football team – the quarterback. Virtually every offensive play goes through his hands and the success of the team rides on how well he plays. But, no one expects success in only Tony Romo suits up for the Cowboys and goes out to face the New York Giants by himself. And even if the quarterback is the most important player no one is going to put together a team that consists of only quarterbacks. Tony Romo does not want to walk to the line and see someone like himself playing left tackle – the offensive lineman whose responsibility it is to protect him from blindside hits. See I had to turn it into an obscure sports analogy.
Because I’m a father I know that it takes the help of a lot of people to raise a successful family – no one can do it alone.
The bible verse that I picked uses a better analogy – the human body. All parts are necessary for us to function successfully. “The eye cannot say to the hand, I don’t need you! And the head cannot say to the feet, I don’t need you!” Or as one person put it – “The father maybe the head of the household, but the mother is the neck that turns the head.”
My family has been helped by –
My parents who would take our children on special vacations and would baby-sit them when they were sick.
Barney’s parents made sure that a check arrived at Christmas time to make sure the grandchildren had a happy Christmas.
The children’s ministry here at the church when McLean and Caitie were in elementary and middle school.
The youth program at Denton Bible when they were teens or the young adult programs at College.
The coaches like Mike Pulatie, the cross country coach at Ryan High, who is up at 5am every morning during the season. And always encouraging and positive no matter what.
Scout Leaders like Rob Storrie, who has ontributed hours – no probably years of his time to guide boys into young men.
I could keep this list going for a long time. The point is that as a father I know that a lot of people have contributed to the success of my family and other families. So on behalf of myself and the other fathers here today I would like to thank all of you for all that you have done and are doing to help us.
My son, McLean, is getting married in August. And I have been thinking about a particular piece of advice my father gave to me when I as getting married. My mother and father were married in 1943. They are both from Wisconsin and the wedding was held in the small village of Hixton. The country minister took my father aside and said to him, “Richard, a lot of people are going to tell you that a marriage is a 50-50 relationship. It can be when things are going well, but sometimes it can be an 80-20 relationship.” Over the years I have found that this advice applies to being a father as much as it applies to being a husband.
The first thought that occurred to me when I heard this advice is that there will times when I will have to put more into the relationship – and that’s the easy part. We all like to think of ourselves as being the strong one. The ones that can counted on to make the right decisions and a source of strength for all of those around us.
It is harder to accept the idea that there will be times that we are the weaker one, the one less able to contribute. It is then that you have to trust the other’s leadership. There are times that an issue is important to your spouse and not to you and you have to take on the role of supporting them. I have learned over the years that parties are important to Barney - and they are not a trivial matter of just getting a bunch of people together to have fun. They are occasions where we can network and share information with other parents, to share our experiences as parents and laugh about them. And so I have learned that when I walk in the door on a Friday evening and Barney tell me we have 5 or 6 couples coming over on Saturday I just ask her how many briskets should I smoke. I don’t do parties well and have learned to trust her judgment.
Raising a family can sometimes feel like an overwhelming challenge. One of my favorite quotes is from Saint Francis of Assisi and has always been a comfort to me when I feel overwhelmed. It goes -
Start by doing what is necessary, then what is possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible.
The impossible is the ultimate goal or 80% and the necessary 20% are the ordinary everyday day steps that you need to take to get there.
I remember when Caitie, our daughter, was born and we were bringing her home from the hospital. I had driven Barney and this small child home in our little pickup truck. And then carefully carried Caitie into the house and placed her in her crib. I was so proud of myself – I hadn’t dropped the baby or made her cry. I came down stairs to find Barney sitting in a chair and sobbing. My first thought was that she must have been really worried that I was going to drop the baby. I went to reassure Barney and asked her what was wrong. Barney was crying because she didn’t know how we were going to pay for college. I told her everything was going to be OK and we would work it out. She had the vision for the future and I knew we just had to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Now that we’re paying for college I’m the one crying and Barney is the one who reassures me that everything is going to be OK.
I’ve learned the advice from my Father helps me understand the evolving nature of my relationship with my children. Raising children is process of learning to let go of them as they become more and more independent. Fathers and sons tend to measure this in athletic contests. When your son is young he will challenge to race to the nearest tree and you put in just enough effort to beat him and not make him feel bad. But a day will come when the relationship changes. McLean had been involved in swimming since he was 6 years of age. When he was about 10 he and I were swimming at the old indoor pool at TWU. He challenged me to race breast stroke to the opposite end of the pool and back. I barely made it the first length of the pool and had to grad on to the end of pool to keep from going under. McLean hit the end of the pool with both hands in correct breast stroking fashion and as he was turning he looked at me and said “That’s an illegal touch” and was on his way back down the pool.
Raising a family is difficult and takes more then one person. Sometimes we have to contribute then another person. Sometimes we have play a different position on the team or learn how to play hurt or come off the bench when needed or be the cheerleaders on the sidelines encouraging the players on the field. But one thing I have learned is that we are all on the same team and there is no I in team.
Today we are going to celebrate Fathers’ Day as it was originally celebrated at the United Methodist Church where is originated. As a picnic and community celebration. I hope to see all of you there for the picnic and games.